Emilio makes a movie

Reading the New York Times Arts section today, I noticed (how could one not?) that Emilio Estevez is making an independent film: a historical drama about the assassination of Robert Kennedy. And so I thought ok, I can accept this.
Then I noticed Ashton Kutcher was in the cast list.
I'll repeat so this can sink in. Ashton. Kutcher.
SCENE: a dimly-lit casting session. EMILIO (in true Mighty Ducks form) is pacing around the smoke-filled room, sleeves rolled up after a long day hammering out production decisions and dealing with the trauma of being Charlie Sheen's brother.

EMILIO
I can't wait to make this serious, hard-hitting movie that
will restore my career and respectability.
(Beat)
Is Ashton Kutcher available?

END

Other notables include Lindsay Lohan, Demi Moore, Nick Cannon, Sharon Stone, and Christian Slater. Needless to say, this will be a classic for the ages.
By the way, notice Elijah Wood's sideburns in the picture to the right. Are they not the worst sideburns ever in a motion picture? Shouldn't the MPAA put a special warning on this movie just about those sideburns? Something along the lines of "Elijah Wood's facial hair may be too intense for viewers under 13 or pregnant women" should do fine.