So Kyle and I were playing yahoo chess, and this girl (her username mispelled "cutie" as "cuite") comes in and asks (read "demands") us to boot her off. It seems she can't leave. However, what offended me most was the "YALL" in the request. So we decide that if she cannot help herself, she doesn't deserve free time. The following are the highlights of a multi-hour conversation in which she demonstrated her lack of understanding on religion, medicine, chemistry, geography, manners and basic spelling.
utter idiot: U GUYS ARE GAY
kyle: I'm bi
kyle: because I'm Jesus
kyle: I swing all ways
kyle: in many ways you may find peculiar, but...
me: there are things you have not considered
me: especially in the ways of deity-loving
idiot: U R TO BITCH
kyle: I'm 'too bitch' aren't i?
me: we know how to spell bitch
me: you already typed it
kyle: bitches come in all sizes and flavors...some bitches taste like butter, some have cankles
idiot: EAT OUT OF YOUR MOMS ASS
kyle: all are my children
me: some bitches you can't believe aren't butter
me: but then, you know they aren't
kyle: if you can't figure out how to leave this game, you should buy a helmet
kyle: and wear it always
idiot: THE STUFF YOU ARE SAYING DOES NOT MAKE ANY SSENCE
me: it is not your place to understand
me: merely to purchase the helmet
idiot: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
kyle: and wear it like it supplies you with the meth that you require to keep your job at walmart and your illegitimate child.
me: the helmet represents his infinite love for you
idiot: NO WONDER YALL ARE THE ONLY ONES HERE
me: and walmart
kyle: we like kitties, and candy, unlike most people
me: most people would just choke the kittens with the candy
me: but not us
kyle: kitties wouldn't last long on the good ship lollipop
idiot: WHY ARE YOU WERSHIPING A REGULAR HUMAN?
kyle: what did you call me?
idiot: A REGULAR HUMAN
kyle: i am...a BANANA!
idiot: OK BANANA
kyle: so there it is, the true identity of god
me: a BANANA PHONE!
kyle: sitting in bunches at your local grocer
me: yet able to make long-distance phone calls
kyle: make your move, god
idiot: YOU PLAY WITH SOMETHING YOU KNOW LITTLE ABOUT
me: chess? you're right
me: know more about divine things
idiot: NO DONT PLAY CONCEAVABLE
kyle: don't play illiterate
idiot: HEED HAVE MORE NPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN PLAY CHESS WITH HIS CREATIONS
kyle: Jesus has asthma, and can't play demanding athletics
kyle: so what would you have him do?
kyle: finger his butthole?
me: slap you and call you 'nancy'?
idiot: BACK ATCHA
me: what about atcha's back? is it cancerous?
me: of all of my creations, i regret back cancer most.
idiot: YOUR CALLING THE LORD LARD YOU ARE THE SINNER MY FRIEND
kyle: we go to hell...when we want to
kyle: in the winter
me: for satan has a killer tobbagon
kyle: and ball park franks
idiot: YOU NEED AS MUCH WINTER AS YOUR SHEETS NEED BLEACH
me: do you question our sledding skills?
In conclusion, 5 a.m. conversations are fun.
P.S. All spelling errors are original, as are the caps.
P.P.S. This post may be long and obnoxious, but it's almost 6 a.m. and this is funny as hell to me now.
P.P.P.S. Kyle won the game, by the way.